I loathe Vendor Viewings


Heart sinks, there is an audible sigh and an under the breath ‘bugger’ when the Estate Agent utters the line “The Vendor will show you around”.
Now I can forgive the odd vendor viewing at weekends or evenings but this is a focus on those Vendors who ‘insist’ on doing them all.. Some truisms:

They regard the Estate Agent with disdain and know they can ‘sell’ their house better.
*that’s why it’s been on market 12 months at 25% too high*

They WILL follow you around with a look that says ‘you’re going to pinch something’.
*thanks luv but your Capo de Monte is safe*

You will hear the line ‘We have been so happy here’.
* A rare outing for my cocked head and faux ‘Aww, how sweet’ face*

If it’s a divorce you’ll no doubt get the one who doesn’t want to sell.
*Awkward*

It is made very clear that the hot tub is NOT STAYING
*Phew bloody phew, they just don’t make Civit Bang strong enough*

We built the annexe for my Mother.
*An effort not to ask ‘Erm, did she die in hospital?’ while you scan for stains.*

‘This is the kitchen, my wife’s domain’ followed by loud guffaws.
*It’s how he tells ’em, sigh*

The loo is now a WC, the lounge is a ‘main reception where they like to entertain’ and there is a ‘master suite’ because it has a corner shower and fitted louvred wardrobes.

You must view the eaves storage and the attic where he laid the floorboards himself – there will be a train set.
*15 go’s at pulling down a half tonne ladder and just missing the kids heads*

‘We’re leaving the sauna, we’ve had hours of fun with it’.
* It’s an airing cupboard*

‘We don’t have to sell’
*Don’t tell me!.. ‘You’ll move for the right price’*

‘I’ve been on Mouseprice, the house over the road sold last year for £50k more’
*yes love but that’s twice the size, doesn’t have swirly carpets or a gummed up avocado jacuzzi*

My clients and I wander the property in abject silence, arms clamped to our sides taking turns to say ‘lovely’ – as the Vendor stares at us like a cardigan clad Norman from Psycho.

These are the people who take the stair carpet, every shrub over a fiver and leave wires where the B & Q wall lights were.
So yes Mr and Mrs Vendor, I know your type and whilst I may be saying ‘Lovely’…  I’m fibbing.

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