Not going to bother with the obvious ‘compact and easy to maintain’ stuff, lets delve a little deeper.
When an Agent tells you:
The Vendor will look when he has an offer… he will only move if some idiot pays him more than it’s worth.
The property had an adverse survey but the problem has been fixed… yeah right.
Yes, the property has been on the market a while but we haven’t been fully marketing it… Nobody wants to buy it
40% below market value….. well, sort of..not saying which market
Three bedroom house …two bedroom house.
small garden… patio.
The Vendor is open to offers.. he’s desperate.
The Vendor is open to offers .. even he is laughing at the asking price.
The Vendor is keen to get near to asking price …he’s an awkward sod.
The Vendor will not move for less than asking price … he’s a REALLY awkward sod.
The property has been up-dated ..two tins of magnolia, some Ikea laminate and a B&Q kitchen.
That damp patch on the ceiling was a one-off leak ….it’s got an upstairs wet room- you may as well just leave the taps on.duh!
Luxury bathroom …one of those bloody green glass sinks that just about holds a puddle.
Luxury kitchen … Vendor splashed out on Wickes instead of B&Q.
It has potential ….. no, actually it’s horrid.
Competitively priced … well, it’s a catchy phrase innit?
Yes, the price is ‘full’ …. the Vendor came up with the price
The Vendor is on holiday, can’t show until he’s back …. The Vendor hates me and won’t trust me with a key.
With useful loft conversion ..if you’re a midget.
Characterful property for someone … full of spiders
Interesting Architect designed property …. odd
Could benefit from some updating .. the swirly carpets are sticky.
The vendor is prepared to negotiate on the hot tub … Hee hee. I know what he’s been doing in it
The Vendor may take some specimen plants with him …. five Polish guys are booked to strip it bare
All planning permissions and building regs are in order … we hope
The vendor has eclectic tastes … he’s barking.
It’s an interesting property .. it’s really, really wierd.
Previous buyer pulled out due to ill health … yeah, the survey gave him a heart attack.
I am not keen to insult the Vendor with your offer … I know he will shout at me and he’s scary
I have a property that might interest you .. Highly unlikely