A new era has dawned. One of bromances and grooming. An era of men in charge of their surroundings, their home styling. Men who still wander the backstreets of Soho at weekends but now it’s to seek out the latest objet with which to decorate their homes and their bodies. They think they’re different, they think they’re cutting edge. I have news for them. All hail the metrosexual lemming.
1. Face scrub.. Kiehls. Plus the toner, shaving cream, moisturiser ad infinitum, all displayed dimly, in the black bathroom..
2. Turntable for vinyls.. which he will only use when his mates come round. To play Miles Davies.
3. Black towels. So cool.. if they got washed.
4. Amaretto. For when he has ‘a bird’ round.
5. Floor cushions, known in designer circles as Toss cushions… hmm.
6. Pool table. Grey baize, chrome legs. To match all the other chrome stuff.
7. Mortuary kitchen. Steel – lots of it, apart from in the oven, which will have cardboard.
8. Paul Smith.. The metrosexual posterboy. Those stripes will be on everything.
9. Liberty Print Shirt.. cos boys can wear flowers right. (Best not venture out in Newcastle on a Saturday night).
10. Pantone Mugs.. yawn
11. Danish furniture.. yep, he’s been down Fritz Hansen and got the cow hide egg chair and teak sideboard.
12. Leather rug.. channels the little boy’s inner-cowboy.
13. Helmut Newton print of woman smoking a fag, in stockings – large and not pornographic because it cost £5k. and is therefore Art.
14. Artemide lamps – The posh boys desk lamp – a complicated array of wires and weights – posh boys Meccano.
15. Massive plasma- just massive.
16. Distressed leather armchair, exposed brick. Cos that’s what men like innit.
17. Mens Heath magazine on the coffee table. The only well thumbed literature in the pad.
18. Pop art poster. Be it Andy Warhol or the Beano.
19. Ironing board.. permanent fixture in second bedroom.
20. Gym bag. In hall. Festering.