I would like to announce in my best Dermot voice, my top 20 property turn-offs. In a very particular order. It’s bottoms first …
20.Underwear on radiators. Please, just don’t do it. Especially if you take large.
19.Raised toilet seat. It is simply vile.
18. External ‘art’. I’m talking butterflies or cart wheels stuck on the house. Decorative wheelbarrows or wishing wells. Not big, not clever.
17. Personal items. That includes all happy snaps and in particular bedroom ‘things’.
16. Unmade beds. Still warm, steaming beds are not cool.
15. Teenagers rooms. Eau de puberty.The stench of pheronomes and general un-washedness really doesn’t work for me.
14.Patterns. Fabrics reminiscent of a nasty stomach bug. Carpets, swirling or sculpted, err, no.
13. Aluminium secondary glazing. Well let’s face it. Even it’s mother couldn’t find a nice word.It’s just plain ugly.
12. Teenagers in street. Hoodies and small plastic bags a desirable neighbourhood does not make.
11. Trees close to the house. A surprising amount of people just see these as giant triffids burrowing through the foundations.
10. Tenants. Let’s face it they really don’t give a sh*t whether you sell or not – it is apparent.
9.Animals. You may love your manky dog/cat. I don’t, buyers don’t.They smell, that is not good.
8.Vendors. Tempted to put this higher. Being stalked at a 2 inch distance. Eagle eyes upon you in case you pinch something. Should be a mitigating circumstance for GBH.
7.Scruffy neighbours houses. Everybody wants to move next door to the Dingles don’t they? I so love shopping trolleys as garden art.
6.Overgrown garden. What have they buried there is all I can think.
5. Damp patches. Titter ye not. Marks on the ceiling from leaks are hugely important to buyers. Like buying a car and kicking it’s tyres they are a DIY structural survey for the ignorant.
4. Cracks. Woohoo, a bit like damp patches. Never mind that they are plaster deep, major alarm bells and lots of sucking through teeth.
3. Peeling paint. Windows and doors that need painting. Buyers will build in £20k’s worth of work, dumb but true.
2.Flood plain. Everybody loves water. Everybody loves the idea of looking over water. Everybody is scared sh*tless of the two words FLOOD PLAIN.
and the prize for biggest property turn-off goes to….. da da da daaaah…
1. Road noise. Hummummmmmum…. the biggest no-no a house can have. Hummmmmmmmmmm….. Watcha say? …Hummmmmmmmummmmmm